Positive Health Online

Today, being a professional is almost synonymous with having a life-out-of-balance. Feeling occasionally overwhelmed, off-centre and stuck, have become the norm, rather than the exception. Juggling work, home, relationships and kids is one of the greatest challenges of our times. With today's accelerated pace, and the multitude of responsibilities and roles many of us have, life may feel like a balancing act at best. It might seem as if we're constantly trying to 'reach the top' or 'keep our head above water,' but what about finding centre?

What is Life-Balance?

When life is balanced, we feel centered and in charge of the day-to-day. We become vital, vibrant and more fulfilled. Overall, there is a sense of 'flow' or 'ease' to the quality of life, even when we are busy.

Life-balance is a process rather than a goal. Therefore, you cannot fail, but rather you are engaged in dynamic learning loops. You constantly get feedback about what works and what doesn't. When we are living life in balance, we are able to course correct. As we notice what's not working, we take intelligent action to improve.

The following proven principles are powerful allies in creating life balance. Addressing them will help you to build a broader base for your life, and therefore, prevent burnout. They are:

1. Self-reflection
2. Vibrant Values
3. Stress-management
4. Resilient Rhythm
5. Self-care
6. Better Boundaries
7. Helpful Habits

Principle #1: Self-reflection

In order to move towards balance, we need to first understand what aspects of life may be off-centre. For example, do the different areas of your life work together harmoniously – or do you experience career and the rest of your life as almost incompatible? Do the various aspects complement each other rather than compete? If our careers – and sanity – are to last, creating professional and personal balance is a top priority.

For each role you play, you have certain responsibilities, goals and expectations. The level of fulfillment you feel in each life area depends on how close you get to meeting your intentions. Let's do an experiment: Rate yourself on a scale of one to ten (one=absolute low; ten=couldn't be better) in the various aspects of your life, such as career, family, finance, health, personal growth, environment and fun/recreation. Do it now.

How did it go? Congratulations on any high scores! Got low numbers? If so, those may indicate 'energy leaks' in your life. We tend to automatically focus on our strengths, and when the going gets tough, we're inclined to push even harder in the strong areas. For example, if you are overly invested in your career, in times of stress you might be inclined to 'relax' by working even more. Meanwhile, health, relationships and recreation are limping behind. This is similar to trying to fix a flat tyre by stepping on the gas.

So, how do you move toward balance? First, simply acknowledge the 'low' scores, and then begin taking action to address what's needed. For example, if your health shows up as low, think about what you can do to improve the score (Hint: see Principle #5). How can you begin to integrate the different aspects of your life, in a way that energizes and inspires you?

Principle #2: Vibrant Values

The balance you enjoy depends on how much you are expressing the qualities and experiences you cherish the most, such as creativity, peace, success and love. Values are the why of goals, and speak to the deepest level of motivation. They provide vision, vitality and vibrancy for your life. Values touch on the core of who you are, and lead you to do what is uniquely you.

If there is a big discrepancy between what you hold dear, and your day-to-day experience, you may feel off-balance, frustrated or depressed.

Let's take the example of my client Lisa, whose top values include creativity, intimacy and freedom. Her job consists of routine tasks, doesn't involve much interaction with others, and hardly has room for independent decision-making. Unless Lisa's private life gives her ample opportunity to experience the qualities that are most important to her, she may need to find work that more fully satisfies her.

To find out more about your top priorities, brainstorm a list of values, then circle your top five priorities. Does your life reflect these qualities or aspects to your satisfaction? If not, what steps can you take to bring this into balance?

Principle #3: Stress-management

Imagine this scenario: Peter and Bob are both stuck in traffic, it's 8.30am and they have an appointment with a key client at 8.45am. Peter's blood pressure is approaching an all-time high; he is hitting the steering wheel and cursing at the traffic ahead of him. Bob, on the other hand, decides that there isn't anything he can do, makes a mobile phone call to the office, and then kicks back listening to music, while waiting for the roads to clear. Who, do you think, will have a better day?

Part of effective stress-management involves identifying and addressing pressure factors in your life. Change in these areas can take some time. However, there is much that you can do immediately to have a more relaxed experience. You may not be able to alter the events of your day – yet how you react is within your circle of influence. Think about it: when you get stressed, do you shorten your breath to 'save' time? Do you mull over everything you need to do in your mind, all at once? Your body will take your thoughts literally, tense up and get ready for a sprint.

Next time your 'pressure metre' threatens to move into the red zone, try this: take a deep breath (which physically stimulates the relaxation response); imagine a vacation paradise (just for a moment, otherwise you might find yourself phoning your travel agent…) and focus only on the task at hand (jot down any distracting thoughts to offload the anxiety trigger).

Practise being present throughout the day. When your mind starts racing, bring yourself back to your breath, returning to the moment. Your whole day can become meditation, while stress turns into success.

Principle #4: Resilient Rhythm

True equilibrium emerges when you discover and respect your innate rhythm – not what the world or you think it should be, but what it really is. Relentlessly pushing yourself until you nearly keel over from exhaustion may work as an occasional emergency strategy, but is not a sustainable way of life.

You have an optimum cadence of waking and sleeping, working and playing, exercising and resting that is uniquely yours, and your body gives you constant feedback about how to stay on track with that. Being in harmony with how you are meant to function puts you on the path to optimum health and a balanced life. To honour your natural rhythm, schedule the most difficult tasks during your mentally alert times, while doing routine chores when you tend to be more tired.

Pace yourself. Respect your need for breaks and 'down-time'. Pay attention to body-signals, and know your limits. Stamina varies from one person to the next (and from time to time), and managing according to the energy you have available is similar to wise money management: invest where you get the best payback – and don't overspend!

Make your rhythm sustainable, so you can maintain your pace for more than just a few days. When you move with a manageable tempo, you regain centre and become resilient. You then can deal with interruptions in your day more easily, and bounce back from momentary setbacks. You learn to go with the flow, rather than resist and fight what you cannot change. With a resilient rhythm you are able to take challenges in stride, enjoy vibrant health and live life to the fullest.

Principle #5: Self-Care

Remember back to the last time you were sick – how did that impact your day, your week and your responsibilities? Taking care of you first is certainly not selfish. In truth, unless you attend to your own welfare, you won't be able to fulfil your duties as professional, spouse or parent.

Self-care means attending to the whole person – body, emotions, mind and spirit. Support your physical being by eating regular and healthy meals, as well as with appropriate exercise for you (not some idealized perfect routine, but a programme you enjoy and can consistently follow).

What refuels and nurtures you emotionally and spiritually? Make sure you balance your busy schedule with revitalizing leisure. Soothe soul and spirit with meditation, contemplation and the arts.

Effective self-care also includes building a solid support system. From getting help for various chores and errands, to nurturing loving relationships, creating a dynamic network of relations is an important key to balance.

And last but not least, be a good friend to yourself – kind, supportive and encouraging rather than critical and harsh. How is your self-talk?

What you say to yourself on a regular basis acts like an affirmation. Negative thoughts are like a prayer for what you do not want. During an already stressful time, the way you talk to yourself can make or break your day.

For greater life-balance, develop the kind of inner dialogue that has you experiencing victory at the end of the day, instead of feeling drained or overwhelmed.

Principle #6: Better Boundaries

In your career as well as personal life, setting healthy boundaries is a survival skill. Knowing your limits and communicating those to others ensures your sanity and life-balance. Naturally, we want to please, be good employees and bosses, caring spouses and parents. Yet if you say 'yes' to too many responsibilities and requests, your balance suffers.

If you tend to feel stressed or overwhelmed, practise saying 'no' to some of the less reasonable demands that come your way. When you decline to overextend yourself, life becomes manageable. If a 'no' answer is hard to imagine, try the following: When someone makes a request of you, reply 'Let me think about it. I'll get back to you tomorrow and let you know.' However, this will only work if you really intend to get back to them at an appointed time, with a clear answer. Otherwise this is just an empty promise. When used intelligently, this strategy gives you time to carefully think about the request, and evaluate it against your already existing priorities. If the request really doesn't work for you, consider making a counter-offer: 'I can't do that, but how about if…' and suggest an alternative.

Setting appropriate boundaries allows you to develop healthy assertiveness, asking for what you need and want, as well as drawing limits respectfully. This puts you in charge of your life, and is a significant step towards living in balance.

Principle #7: Helpful Habits

Habits are great, as long as you do automatically what you want to be doing. And for greater life-balance, effective patterns are crucial. What you do on a regular basis becomes habitual, and makes up the foundation of your life. When juggling many different roles and responsibilities, the patterns you set up can simplify your day-to-day.

Thinking about your typical day or week, what habits would make your life easier? What would simplify and support already existing obligations and intentions without inventing additional to-dos? To balance career and home life, consider what you can do to feel complete about work, before returning home. Examples include clearing your desk before leaving the job and prioritizing objectives for the next day …you know what it is for you.

And what habits will help you manage your personal life better? At home, you might want to schedule chores, create quality time with your spouse (how about a regular date-night?), or practise patience with the kids (for example, when you're getting annoyed, quietly count to ten before responding…). And be sure to include habits for health, exercise and leisure that will help prevent burn-out.

For best results, jot down your new habits (yes, right now), and track them for thirty days – or until they become automatic. In the beginning, this takes attention. However, your efforts soon pay off, as you find yourself doing those things automatically that you want to be doing, and you might just enjoy greater balance.

Review these seven principles often. And remember, the goal is not perfection, but to build an ever broader, supportive foundation for your life. With greater balance, who knows what secret doors might open, presenting you with delightful surprises.