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Relationship and marriage, according to the Kabbalah, must be based on spirituality. The connection between two people starts with their mutual desire to discover the spiritual realm and actualize the purpose of creation. Here is the philosophy behind Love and Marriage and some interesting ethnicity.

The Kabbalah is the 'Secret Wisdom' – the occult/mystical aspect of Judaism. Its major motive is to shed a light on the unseen workings of the universe. According to ancient writings, the wisdom of the Kabbalah was given to Adam by Raziel the angel, after the deportation from Paradise. A deep study of the Kabbalah can help humans understand the mysteries of existence which are unsolved by modern science; therefore it is related to the scopes beyond physics – the metaphysics.

In our search of a most substantial zone in human life – love and romance, we should distinguish between the theoretical (philosophical) aspects and the practical (applicable) aspects of the Kabbalah.

Marriage as a Spiritual Partnership:

Bondage between husband and wife is seen by the Kabbalah as spiritual. Marriage gives the couple a framework for spiritual development which they could not achieve as single individuals. An interrelationship between two souls who thrive to reach the higher realms becomes a powerful vessel that fortifies the reparation process. A spiritually compatible couple is one of the most powerful forces in the universe that no other force can quell.


Each individual thrives to achieve the highest possible spiritual level during a life time. The Kabbalah teaches us that any marriage which is empty of spirituality might harm both sides and create misery and failure to reach the purpose of rectification.

A common phrase in traditional Judaism says that "A man that does not have a wife is not a whole man" and "A man who does not have a wife lives without joy, blessings, goodness and peace." A married couple whose marriage is loving and compassionate have the light of the divine shining over them.

Masculinity and Femininity:

The masculine aspect is seen by the spiritual world as the affecting, influencing and 'inspiring' side, whose purpose is to strengthen the spiritual structure. The feminine aspect is the passive or 'receiving' side, whose purpose is to be receptive to the masculine side.


Although both feminine and masculine souls are expected to do their spiritual work in physical life, the masculine soul has a longer way to go: According to traditional Judaism, the man's role in the physical world is to observe religious rules, study the Torah, build a family and maintain it financially, and on top of that – complete his spiritual reform. On the other hand, a woman is not obligated to soul search and reclamation. According to the religious principles, she has to follow all the commandments, but her spiritual repair is a passive one. One of her duties is to assist the man with his spiritual amendment. The feminine energy is more balanced and steady than the masculine. A woman has a better ability to give, carry new life inside her, and contain. As her 'vessel' is larger than the man's, the amount of light she is capable of absorbing is larger. This enables the woman to connect with spirituality and the divine much more directly than a man.

An interesting theory says that some women were reincarnated even though their spiritual revision was completed, and the only reason for their return is to assist a man on his journey.

Consecration with a Ring:

The custom of ring consecration at the marriage ceremony started as a simple gesture of exchanging gifts, and developed along generations to a tool of sacred covenant. The shape of the ring has a substantial connection to the essence of marriage: A round shape is eternal – and has no beginning and no end. This comes to remind of the eternal force of the divine that surrounds the world.

The Two Halves

From Summons it is known that male and female were created together as their two bodies were connected at the backs. There is no energetic connection and no interrelation between them until they disconnect and turn face to face.

Rabbi Shimon said that a union of male and female is called 'Oneness' because a male without a female is considered as 'half a person'. A man and a woman are considered by the Kabbalah as one soul that its two halves were enrobed in two physical bodies. Only when the two halves are connected, they become 'one' complete soul.

And so it happens by the will of God, that from the moment of birth until the moment of union, the two halves of the soul are departed and remote from each other. Sometimes the distance is large and the two halves are oceans and continents apart. At the moment of union, they become one essence.

The Primary Yearning to Unite:

In the spiritual realm, a soul exists as an integral part of the eternal light – it is 'pairing with the divine'. The complete merge within the light gives it the utmost pleasure and satisfaction. As the spiritual realm reflects in the physical realm, this complete unity manifests in our world in the form of sexual union. Sexuality is one of the strongest desires on earth, the root of all desires. When a soul is reincarnated in the physical world, it still has a 'memory' of the total union with the divine. Therefore we can annotate the sexual desire as a preliminary spiritual desire.


According to the Kabbalah, each soul has twelve options to unite when it comes into the physical world: Three options are blessed cosmic unions, based on spiritual attraction. Five options of unity are called 'Divine Matches' – that's where you can find most married couples. The most difficult unions are the four Karmatic versions, which are based on unfinished issues from previous lives and the existence of cosmic 'contracts' between two souls. The potential to repair knotty relations from past lives and reach harmony and peace in the present lifetime is the greatest challenge of such unions.

Blockages and Restrictions

Each human soul has a designated soul to unite with in the physical realm. However, a person might sometimes refuse the ordained spouse that was matched to him by the divine, and miss the opportunity to unite. Since everything is under the supervision of God, an alternative mate will be found for him that would fit with his present situation. Therefore, a person should never despair because the graceful God is always watching to guarantee his fulfilment.

In some cases finding 'the right one' can be a lingering and frustrating journey. The 'Practical Kabbalah' sees it as a blockage in luck, and the reason for it can be evaluated in several methods. Looking into the sacred Zohar can sometimes give answers to such problems. A given name may cause a person's luck to be restricted or even cases of casting the evil eye.

The Applied Wisdom:

The Practical Kabbalah applies the knowledge of using names and sacred letter combinations. It has a potential to solve problematic delays and setbacks that block the realization of marriage. It is believed that the same way that God can cure illness – it can also help to remove restrictions and barriers that stand in the way to fulfilment. A little step done by a practical Kabbalist can open the doors to luck in romance and relationships.

Practical Kabbalah is the application of Kabbalistic principles in everyday life. Its principle is to connect matter and the divine to achieve tangible results. It includes Kabbalistic medicine, reincarnation and destiny analysis with the Zohar, the usage of charms and amulets, healing and communicating with angels, special prayers and even palmistry. As long as the application of Kabbalistic principles is done purely, it can generate positive changes in a person's life. The Kabbalah forbids any act of manipulation, and encourages the preservation of an individual's free choice. It is only allowed as long as the practice does not contradict the laws of nature, and refrain from black magic.

In many cultures, the issue of mating has always been taken very seriously. Finding the right spouse was not the concern of a single man or woman alone, but involved the whole community. Jews who lived in the Diasporas have combined the wisdom of practical Kabbalah together with local pagan traditions in order to assist singles in finding a match and building a family.

Virtues and Rituals

The Kabbalistic expert had a prominent position in the archaic community and was the authority to turn to for help. The expert would write sacred scripts on parchment, using powerful ancient symbols, wrapping them together with seeds or plants to carry around as talismans. Some of the practical knowledge of the Kabbalah was passed inside families and evolved along the generations. Many virtues and rituals were applied to help young people who reached the age of marriage, and are still in vast use today. Here are a few examples:

One way for a desperate young woman to visualize her future husband was by looking into a bowl filled with water and oil. Amulets made of metal, feathers, plants and scripts of letter combinations were prepared for single people to carry on their bodies until the right match is found. Potions made of red fruits mixed with a few drops of blood were used to attract the love of a man or a woman. Using hairs or nails of a desired person and burrow them in the ground next to their doorstep, whispering spells at the night of a full moon, writing and applying substances over a picture of a desired person, and so on.  Parents were instructed to implement special rituals to induce the process of mating for their children. The right timing was always essential for the success of these rituals, and as you can see, many of them were not manipulation-free at all.

Finding your Soul Mate

The major factor that a man or a woman should consider when coming to choose a spouse is the spiritual chemistry. According to the Kabbalah, matching between two souls should be done by conscious choice. Therefore it is essential to find a mate that will be supportive of your spiritual development. Each side in the union should observe the other as a free spirit who came to earth to fulfil a purpose, and no one may restrict the other. A spouse should act as a ladder for the other person in which he/she can climb to higher realms. This will ensure a happy marriage and all the rest will take care of itself.

Blessed Be.