Positive Health Online

Grief

The first thing you notice when someone passes is how shocked you feel when learning of their transition.

This becomes a theme in the ongoing realization of their death. Thoughts like, “it’s not fair”, “it’s too soon” and “why didn’t they tell me?” cross your mind 1,000 times a day. Suffice it to say, grief is a tricky and bumpy ride and we need to learn what it is that makes us cry, laugh, go silent, feel joy or pain and acceptance of their choices.

We heal what we need to learn because these emotions show us that we are vulnerable and as such we find solace in knowing we can survive. Grief is a process that teaches us to pray for those that are affected by loss. We learn to empathize with others who have experienced the same fate. We learn to understand that we are invincible when it comes to facing the reality of loss. But we know that we are hurting and we live in the memory of their legacy. 

When grief affects you it’s because you have found a place of love inside that has never before been opened. Grief opens us up to what’s real, what is final and what is true!

Learning from reality has never been a great past time of mine, but the recent loss of my partner showed me that I was vulnerable to that which I thought would never happen. I was in a kind of suspended belief or even a refusal to accept it was possible. Silly I know, but there comes a day when it becomes a reality… And THAT we HAVE to accept!

Acceptance is a funny state of being that allows you to know the unknowable in that it forces you to learn what you need to heal and when you need to heal it. For instance when a loved one dies, you may need to learn that reality is REAL and that you have been imagining fantasy scenarios all along. What if they never died and we’re going to live forever? These kinds of thoughts are reality bending. In truth, we all know the only certainty are death and taxes.

But the fantasy lives in our mind to the extent that we refuse to see the inevitable blocking it out so as to keep the faith in the impossible! Reality strikes a chord of truth when you’ve been actively denying it. I avoided conversations I should’ve had that would have prepared me for the moment of truth I was unwilling to accept. 

In everything I do now there is a reminder of his legacy.  He was a writer, editor, musician and filmmaker and he’s probably checking my spelling and grammar as I write this personal story of grief. My tears now flow, the exhaustion beats my body. But my love is deep and the memory of his teachings live deep in my soul. 

I am grateful for our union because what we leave behind is what helps those who need to heal learn how.