Positive Health Online

About it.................

A friend, who is a lovely woman and  a caring intelligent mother, (but her dog is thoroughly daft!) said to me: “Therapists always want to blame your childhood for mind-emotional problems!”

I really don’t know if this true or not; I mean that Therapists ‘blame’ childhood experiences?

But I absolutely do know this certainly is not true of me and my work, whether that is 1:1 or through my audio work: And there is never ever any ‘blame’.  What is the point in saying: “I blame my childhood for my problems” Blaming does not free and heal us to be fully and happily our self.

I never, ever make suppositions, give advice; I do not give suggestions or directions, or give diagnosis, nor is my Work prescriptive, which may seem really weird to you.

Ted walks in 53 minutes later than his usual time to return home to first of
all Amy’s fury lashing out at him, ‘pots and pans’ hurling at his head, and then Amy’s withdrawal into
to some dark, moody, unreachable, ‘leave me alone’ state.

Simplistically what I am doing is providing the unconscious mind a space to communicate its language, and for the unconscious to discover and resolve the problem state. Why? Because, as I’ve mentioned before, our problem state is unconsciously driven. This will make perfect sense when we can categorically state we do not consciously want the symptoms. Right? Be that depression, anxieties, anger, difficult relationships with food, difficult relationships with others, worrying, fears and so on.  The paradox is our unconscious has the resolution to heal and free us from ‘where’ we got ‘stuck’ in time.

We unconsciously ‘freeze’ time in painful experiences in an attempt to stop this experience, in the next moments from probably or possibly getting worse, and therefore not emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, or, sometimes physically safe for our self.

I’m maybe going to sound really weird to you now!: Mostly I’m communicating with “IT” so that “IT” can discover the exact right unique solutions for “IT”, “IT” being the problem. So, I’ll make sense of this now and you’ll say: Wow Sally’s not in the least bit weird! Simplistically “IT” is the part of our self which got ‘stuck’.

So: Think of an emotional problem right now, and ask yourself:

How do I know that I have this emotional problem?

Maybe to begin with you’ll want to say all kinds about your life, like, I have this problem because of my boss, my relationship, my parent, my finances……. the weather…….. Then soon you’ll get to the problem inside of you, not these external triggers in your life, and your answer will be:

“IT” feels like this:

“’IT’s’……in my head, chest, stomach, throat……

“IT’s” like knotting, churning, trembling, numb, stuck, ‘IT’s’ like a huge weight ‘IT’s’ heavy, tight, stabbing, shaking, fluttering…… “

There are literally a myriad of unique to you descriptions of “IT” So what happens next is that in therapy with me “IT” communicates its own information and goes on a journey to discover resolution for “IT”

In my 1:1 and on my CD/MP3 audio courses - together, you and I safely allow “IT” to communicate and journey to “IT’s” resolutions healing and freeing.

Then, halleluiah,  when “IT” has final resolution and freedom you’ll feel your boss’s ‘tantrums’ are like ‘water off a ducks back’ You’ll have resources to sort your relationship and finances - and Hey in ‘bad (emotional) weather’ you’ll feel ‘well clothed’ and ‘weather proof’ The thing is that ‘IT’ contains a part of your self, a part of your self that got stuck, simplistically got ‘stuck’ with negative self-beliefs or got ‘stuck’ in moments in time.

Maybe Jonny’s video clip on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHVD0CZEGO will go some way to getting you a real sense of “IT” as “IT” for Jonny was a serious cancer. Jonny makes me cry happily every time I watch the clip - he’s just lovely. Jonny named his cancer: “IT feels like two guys - called - The Guys.” This was Jonny’s unconscious solution - not mine!! Enjoy Jonny’s smiling face, and knowing that seven years on he is well, successful and lovingly married. Enjoy Jonny. And wonder of wonders - (he was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2006) - he’s about to become a Dad. Jonny’s child is definitely going to say: “Wow I hit jack pot with my Dad!”

What Drives Us..........

Let’s get ‘into it’ today and really talk together about our Unconscious mind.

Why would we want to bother? Why am I always banging on about the Unconscious mind? Because, our Unconscious mind, is ‘driving’ at least 90 % of our life. And to an extent this is brilliant, in that it is saving time for other plans, brainwaves, ideas. For example driving or walking home, we no longer consciously think - first left, second right, through the traffic lights. We unconsciously know - how to get home - so journeying home can be spent in finding a cure for cancer......... And unconscious behaviours do save lives such as we’re driving along, a small child darts into the road - we unconsciously brake and manoeuvre If we took the time to think - move right foot onto brake - depress brake and so on -  we would by then have hit the child with a ton of moving metal.

Our Unconscious is our own mind - it is the ‘world’ we live in, it is our inner world from which we perceive the outer world, it is from our inner world that we respond to and react to the outer world. We need to get to know it, it’s ‘where we live’ our life!

It is this part of our mind which drives our problem states. As we’ve already said, it makes sense doesn’t it? None of us consciously want our problem states, and it’s not the weather, the government, our boss or our partner who drives the problem - it is our Unconscious response.

And therefore it could be considered to be understandable that is why  many therapeutic strategies that I come across, (and I promise you I research extensively to discover what current strategies schools of psychotherapy are advocating), are attempting to ‘control’ and ‘re-programme’ the Unconscious.

Here is a simple example, by way of explanation, of an inappropriate Unconscious response of Amy’s, and how these kind of responses work in our life ‘automatically’, without us being able to rarely, if ever consciously resist.

If you take this following simple example you will be able to apply it to many ‘problem’ states in which we experience an overriding automatic response, such as our stress response, our response to a trigger to a phobic state, our automatic response to food, our response which disables us from good sleep, our response of feeling nervous when we are asked to give a speech, and so on and so on…...

Simple example:

Amy is in a new and happy relationship with Ted. They have been living contentedly and lovingly together for a few months;

Amy has a history of her father, who was a hardworking man and loyal to his family, often coming home late from his job;

Amy’s Mum Kate was a woman who was protective of her family. Kate had been adopted when she was two and half years old. Kate had been seriously neglected as a baby by her parents who would leave their terrified baby to go out drinking.

Every time Amy’s Dad was late home from work, the young Amy witnessed and felt the furious and accusing response from Kate, her Mum, to her Dad.

Kate was being triggered into her ‘baby’ response of being terrified when she had a perception that she was being abandoned. No rational brain thinking such as: “My husband is devoted to us and he is looking after us by earring overtime......” can free Kate from her Unconscious response. Neither will such poppy cock as mind ‘control’ and mind ‘re-programming’ ever resolve Kate’s response of terror. What will definitely cure Kate’s terror is Freeing and healing the wounded ‘child’ within her. My kind of Work!

Amy’s unconscious, when she was a small child, learnt to believe that this is the behaviour that must happen when your man is late home…..

Six months into Amy’s relationship living with Ted, he is late home.

Amy cannot get him on his mobile.

Amy’s conscious rational mind tries to consider that Ted is stuck in traffic, Ted has bumped into a mate and gone for a quick pint and he hasn’t noticed the time, the battery is flat on Ted’s mobile…..

But Amy’s unconscious mind has a perception, (which was learnt from her Mum’s behaviour,) her learnt belief kicks in automatically, as beliefs do, that Ted is abandoning and betraying her.

Ted walks in 53 minutes later than his usual time to return home to first of all Amy’s fury lashing out at him, ‘pots and pans’ hurling at his head, and then Amy’s withdrawal into to some dark, moody, unreachable, ‘leave me alone’ state. Amy replicate’s Kate’s responses and behaviours perfectly.

Ted was late because he’d stopped off to get Amy a surprise gift………….. Their sixth month anniversary. Ted’s such a romantic.

Amy’s apology takes effort of reconciliation.

And the next time Ted is late home from work, stuck in traffic, a meeting running late…….the same ‘damn thing’ happens again - and the next time again………..Amy’s response of fury and then withdrawal into ‘hiding’.

Amy needs the right strategies to communicate with her own unconscious self - to be able to unravel - and bring understanding into this now automatic response to her perception that she is - like her Mum’s belief - she is always going to be abandoned and betrayed.

No matter how much Ted assures Amy that he loves her, that he is loyal, he is monogamous, Amy’s unconscious won’t ‘get it’; not in a hundred years, until she learns how to communicate correctly with her own unconscious, and then know the correct way of how to deconstruct the ‘controlling’ beliefs.

Kate’s inner Work with her unconscious will take more effort to free and heal her from her ‘baby’ terror, and next her ‘baby’ need to withdraw. Simplistically terror and withdrawal for ‘baby’ Kate was an attempt to protect her. Simply speaking as long as ‘baby’ Kate is in a terror or even in a withdrawn response - at least she is still alive.

Maybe you can begin to differentiate for yourself, is your problem state actually coming from a wounded place within your younger self, or from a learnt belief?

You are so welcome to email me any questions or thoughts you have. I am here to help. It’s what I want to do, help you live your life being free to be yourself.

We’ve loads more to talk about our amazing Unconscious mind.

Check out my half an hour a day for 40 days audio course to resolve problems on my CDs and MP3’s on our websites. My courses are in the language of the Unconscious mind.

What’s Up Ted.............

So we really do want to continue to talk together about our Unconscious mind.

We’ve already asked ourselves: why would we want to bother? And, why am I always banging on about the Unconscious mind?

Our Unconscious is worth us re-capping:

Because: Our Unconscious mind, is ‘driving’ at least 90 % of our life.

Because: Our Unconscious is our own mind - it is the ‘world’ we live in, it is our inner world from which we perceive the outer world, it is from our inner world that we respond to and react to the outer world. We need to get to know it, it’s ‘where we live’ our life.

Does it sound odd to you that: our Unconscious will want to resist being ‘controlled’ and will even resist being ‘programmed’ or ‘re-programmed’.

Here’s a very, very simplistic example of a strategy, widely used in Psychotherapeutic work for re-programming the mind:

Affirmations

Try it yourself.

Think of a simple problem that you have. We’ve all got something that we’d like to improve in our Unconscious - because happiness and inner contentment with our self and with life does not have a ceiling!

So pause right now - it will only take a few minutes maximum - think of a simple problem, maybe like nervousness of public speaking, turn your problem on ‘its head’ and make, pretty much a polar opposite, to the problem, affirmation.

Like this example: “I have a problem in that I feel too nervous to give a public speech or presentation, my stomach churns and my throat dries up, and I’d love to be able to speak up in front of others....”

Affirmation:

“I am an acceptable person. My stomach and throat will be calm, and I will confidently speak up”

Will this affirmation for this person work, to re-programme the unconsciously driven nervousness at public speaking, when spoken or thought every day, several times a day, every 20 minutes throughout every day???

Not ‘in a month of Sunday’s will it ever work! (Not sure what ‘a month of Sundays is!! My Mum used to say it! And I knew what it meant! It meant never. She’d say to me: “Not ‘in a month of Sundays’ will I let you go into Manchester - dressed like that......”!!!)

What you will definitely notice - when you attempt to ‘re-programme’ your Unconscious - with your own personal affirmation - is inner, unconscious,  resistance!

Resistance to your affirmation will manifest in your thoughts and probably in your feelings. Such as, your very next thought will be something like: “No Way.....” Probably followed by feelings in your body, maybe like a churning in the stomach, or a tightening of the throat, a stabbing in the heart, a heavy weight in the head..... and so and so on........

Now, here’s the thing, Tah Dah, the resistance is absolutely the ‘key’ to unravelling deeply held negative beliefs. Honour the resistance and then differentiate out what got ‘ravelled’ into the negative self-beliefs - and finally we are able to bring about lasting resolution.

So, let’s, in light of my statement: “.....our Unconscious will want to resist being ‘controlled’ and will even resist being ‘programmed’ or ‘re-programmed’” -  explore what happened to young Amy.

Amy ‘learnt’ her belief from her Mum’s behaviour that, basically, if your man is more than 3 minutes late home you’re being abandoned. Abandonment causes fear in a young unconscious mind.

Ted, Amy’s beloved partner, whenever he was late home from work, or from any outing, triggered the fear response which Amy had learnt as a child. No affirmation or logic will stop Amy’s fear.

The mild mannered, gentle Ted finally became so frustrated with Amy’s fury with him and next her withdrawal, that Amy’s “Sorry....” just did not ‘cut it’ any more. Ted upped and left. How sad is that. So sad.

Amy, I am delighted to say contacted me. We had a good 45 minutes on the phone. Next Amy chose to do my half an hour a day for 40 days Rapha Course on CD Have Harmonious Relationships.

All my Courses spend at least 10 days - that is 10 minutes or so a day - on exploring the depths of negative self-beliefs, which are pretty unique to every individual and their own life story and experiences. During those 10 days we also differentiate each negative belief ‘strand’ from the tangle of the negative belief system. And then we bring about lasting resolution - and then bring in a whole new appropriate and life affirming belief system. Good Hey..........

Amy phoned me a few weeks after she’d completed my course - she and Ted are back together and very happy. Hurrah.

Kiss Me Kate.........

Remember Kate?

Let’s recap:

Kate is Amy’s Mum. Every time Amy’s Dad was late home from work, the young Amy witnessed and felt the furious and accusing response from Kate, her Mum, to her Dad.

Kate was being triggered into her ‘baby’ response of being terrified when she had a perception that she was being ‘abandoned’. The truth is Kate was abandoned for too many hours. No rational brain thinking such as: “My husband is devoted to us and he is looking after us by earring overtime......” can free Kate from her Unconscious response. Neither will mind ‘control’ and mind ‘re-programming’, relaxation, EFT, CBT, ever resolve Kate’s response of terror.

Kate’s husband, John, that’s Amy’s Dad, only wanted a kiss and a smile on his return home! Kate’s ‘driving’ pain of terror of abandonment, which drove her fury and then her withdrawal, projected onto John, became so chronic and acute, that by the time Amy was a young teenager Kate was in a fury, even when John was home on time!  As these years went by and kisses as a welcome home got less and less John could not up and leave. So,, he got himself a shed!

Maybe you’ve witnessed parallel behaviours in others in your life time? It can go like this, more often than not: The more someone overeats - the more they overeat, the more sleepless someone is the less and less they sleep, the more someone worries the more they worry, the more nervous someone is the more nervous they become, the more angry............ and so on.

Why? Simplistically, the more we use that particular neural net - the more that neural net is instantly activated. The Great News! (Which we did not have ‘proof’ of ‘til around 3 decades ago) The neural net is not hard wired. We can change it. To do that we need to heal the problematic emotions - in Kate’s experience the emotion was Terror - at being abandoned. In a baby’s case - the Terror is of death. That is a monumentally huge terror.

Kate came to Work with me, urged, I must say, by Amy, who’d told Kate about her great success with my half an hour an day for 40 days Course.

Kate is pretty and blonde. To begin with, her head was bent most of the time and eye contact was rare. One of the first things Kate said was: “I’m too old to change, I don’t think - you can really help.” At the time Kate was 54.

I elegantly assured her - we’re never too old.

Now, here is something that will really interest you. Kate said: “I know I have some horrible feelings deep inside me, but I do not have the memories.”

You don’t need to have the memories to heal and free a wounded, stuck, lost, part of yourself. The feelings, tho’ indeed horrible, are the ‘guide’ to the healing of the feelings.

Kate did just that in our Work together, she found and freed and healed herself of the terror.

Is Kate happy now? Is John happy now? Oh, Yes.

Could Kate have gained lasting resolution and healing of her problem with a CD course such as mine? Unlikely.  Will Amy have lasting, permanent resolution? Absolutely definitely she will.

So, a friend was recently talking with me about half an hour a day is too much time for anyone to ‘put aside’ to do a Therapeutic Course like mine to Resolve a symptom such as a phobia, sleeplessness, stress and worry, lack of self-esteem, nervousness and so on. She said: “How you can find half an hour a day for 40 days to be able to live life to the full, with vitality and a real sense of self” (I didn’t use this ‘golden opportunity’ for me to do the Maths!).

Here’s the Maths!

If we have 8,780 hours in one year.

If we work 3,000 hours - leaves us 5,780 hours for sleeping and also for creativity, fun......  and half an hour a day for 40 days - to assist us to a place on inner control to be free to be our self, to feel and be passionate, full of vitality, celebrating your life and your unique genius!

The genius to be - who you are meant to be….. let’s just think about this particular truth together for a few moments:

In every child there are unique elements of genius. Every child knows how to be. And that state of being is a massive part of every child’s genius……